Self-care: Is it worth it?

We hear a lot about self-care, especially online. There are checklists, pillars, ideas, and products. Videos brimming with breathing techniques. And the continuing trend of ‘ASMR’ helping people to relax in 20-30 second intervals before doom-scrolling onward. We hear that self-care is critical to your overall health, which is both ominous and a little overwhelming.

If you’re like me, self-care can feel like one more thing on an already too-full list of things left to do. Some days, it’s the ‘straw that breaks the camel’s back’ as I try to fit it all in.

The holidays are an extra busy time of year. As if the regular expectations we have in our daily lives triple during the weeks between Thanksgiving and New Years. Shopping, cleaning, peopling—cramming your weekends to bursting in the name of Christmas cheer.

Like backwards compound interest. Normally, you invest money and it grows and gives you back more than you put in. The holidays feel the opposite.

How much time do you put in preparing a holiday meal compared to how much time it takes to eat it? I begin preparations for Christmas dinner 3-days beforehand, but an hour after we begin eating, everyone is passed out from the turkey-tireds.

And on top of all the usual holiday traditions is this new trend: Self-care during the holidays. Scraping together a few minutes between errands and visiting to take a second to breath. Scheduling in mindful moments between wrapping and shopping.

Another thing to fit into the already-busy holiday season.

The BIG question

So, is self-care worth it? 

The answer is more complicated than a straight-forward ‘yes’ or ‘no’. 

Until we shift our idea of ‘fitting self-care in’ to making it a foundational part of our lives,  it may always be the last thing we think about and the first thing to go when we’re feeling overwhelmed. 

Consider this shift in thinking: before an airplane takes off, there is always a demonstration. In case of emergency, an oxygen mask will drop down from above. Affix your own mask before helping someone else. 

It’s an easy concept. If I pass out from low oxygen, I can’t help anyone else. Helping myself first is not selfish, it’s fundamental. 

Shift your thinking. Self-care is the mask.

Self-care is helping yourself first, so you can be of help to someone else.

Life is a long game, and your thinking around self-care will make the difference between whether you put yourself first, or continue to try to put other’s masks on for them. 

You see, for self-care to be worth it, it needs to be foundational. Rather than seeing it at the top of the list of things you need to get to, what if we put it at the base of everything you do? What if we consider it the structure that holds everything else up? 

In the articles and guidelines written about self-care, it feels like extra. It feels like something to do if you have time between tasks, on the weekend, at the end of the day. It’s not. 

The fact is, self-care is a part of the foundation of your hierarchy of needs which include shelter, food, hydration, movement, safety, love, and a sense of belonging at the base of the pyramid. If these needs are not met, we cannot access higher needs.

If we ever hope to live a life of fulfillment, purpose and meaning, it is important to get all these basic needs met first so you can build your life on a rock solid foundation. 

In my upcoming book, Thriving in Chaos, I explore each of these basic foundational needs and help my readers to build skills and create boundaries to support their growth and healing despite a world full of chaos. The most important part is finding a way to incorporate these needs into your daily life that don’t make them a burden. 

When deciding if self-care is worth it for you, you’ll need to ask yourself if there is a way to fit it into your life in a way that doesn’t make it another item on your to-do list rather than a foundational skill to help you thrive. 

How do we create a self-care foundation?

My top 3 self-care tips

Pacing: 

Honestly, it all comes down to pacing. There is a lot of self-care advice that tells you to put things down, don’t do as much; slow down! However, I have been practicing the art of pacing over the last few years to deal with the reality that most of us can’t do less than we are now. 

Pacing is a way to be in the moment, fully engaged with what you are doing, and then moving to the next thing. 

There is an ebb and flow to even the fullest day. Pacing is how long-distance runners finish a race. Not sprinting from one checkpoint to the next. Life is a marathon, so measure your steps. 

Delegating: 

I know. You want to do it all yourself. It’s easier. (But, is it?)

A few years ago, I delegated picking out the Christmas tree to my husband and 14-year-old son. Instead of the full, trim, perfectly shaped tree that usually graced the living room, this misshapen tree had branches so long, I felt like they were pointing and laughing every time I passed. 

But delegating that one task gave me space to pace myself. To handle other, more important things. 

There are some things that will need to be done over the holiday that someone else can do. (Even if they don’t do them as well as you.) 

Noticing: 

It is so easy to get caught up in all the doing that we forget to notice what is happening around us. 

Noticing what is going on around us can help us pace ourselves. It can also help us recognize where we can delegate, or what we can put down all together. 

It can also help us make new memories. 

If we’re in the future worrying about all the work we need to do, we can miss the magic of Christmas. 

As I pace myself, I look for memories, knowing I will look back on this time spent with my family. These are our memories, this time will not happen again. 

Consider how you will remember this holiday season. 

Be gentle with yourself this Christmas

“Be gentle with yourself” is a self-care affirmation I can get behind. 

That is what care is: attaching importance to something, or someone. It’s time to attach some importance to our self. 

This self has gotten us through a lot, and will continue to carry us as long as we are here. It deserves a little care, respect, and gentleness. 

It’s important. You’re important.

At the end of our days, none of us will be thinking about the perfect gift we didn’t find or lumps in our gravy. 

No. We will be wishing for more time to spend with the people we love. More time to slow down and admire the journey. And more time to have cared for ourselves.